Random xxxxx

Had a little fight with my sis while preparing for dinner. Drove me so mad and I just slept and skipped dinner. It ended up she not cooking dinner and ate anyhow, me sleeping till 12am and woke up. Great! Who asked you to keep blaming me for everything???  Who asked you to assume that those are the things I should definitely do. Please have a little cooperation !! I'd rather live alone than having my mood spoiled everyday by you. Garrrrrrr

And days pass really slow when I am waiting for great events. Counting down .. 24 more days . =)
I hope to see you so much. I really hope we can reunite this time. Not only with you, I just wish me, theint, wityi, poe thar and you can meet again like those old days and hang out. How can you all change so much and dislike each other when we all used to be good friends? You all won't know but those days we studied, played around and had meals together in just a short time of three months -- were the happiest moments of my life. We got up early on weekends for study, we fought crazily while sharing food and we laughed with the same heart together. Does our friendship still exist or it stopped since October 2008, the last time we hanged out together.

I seems to live in the past. I don't hate the present me, but I just wish I can still keep things like it used to be in the past. But in reality, it is harder than I thought.

Anyway, you all are friends for me forever.

No idea why I write this

Around two or three days ago, I saw a guy wearing a very nice Swatch and I was dreaming about buying it and giving present to him after I get the job. Well, now it seems like a really stupid idea.

I don't accept what others said that he is asking for break up because of depressions. I really find it as a lame excuse. Who haven't been in depression, who haven't been suffering a lot? I have suffered from depression of not getting job for five months. My sister got into big accident with police case and I had to go to hospital to take care of my nephew for around three weeks. My work pass application has been rejected for several times. What has been worser than this in my life? I don't want to make complaints and I didn't announce anything of it to my friends or relatives or anyone.

The point I want to say is that no matter how things get tired, I never mentioned about break up. I am afraid of getting hurt  and hurting people who I love. I know exactly how it feels after sudden break up and regretting it later. If I don't really care and love him, I would have said goodbye since a long time ago when my ex-boyfriend asked me to love him back. Well, I didn't accept his request and I never will. I have been hurt so so much with deep scars by him. Even though I love him to death, I can never trust him again, also will be afraid of getting betrayed and being left behind. I really hate that feeling... it just brings me to tears whenever I think about it.

So I promise myself that I won't do that to the people who I love. And I did try my best to keep relationship with him no matter how much I feel tired and frustrated with my complicated feelings. I know I always find troubles to him, starting fights , but in the end did I make those troubles too big and start big quarrels with him.. "NO, and Never". However I think the times that we being apart and our tired mind make us feel more and more far away from each other.

Anyway.. it's his decision that I have to respect and accept. I would cry, would feel angry and sorry but I don't want to hold someone who doesn't care about my feelings. Some said he might be pretending and wants to hold me back .. he might feel confused cuz of his trouble.. But 'breaking up' is the level that I can't hold on and take it easy. It involves hurting my pride and feelings; and damaging people opinions of me.

Since the day he wrote "I don't want to love anymore", I knew and expect this to happen soon, I even wrote my thoughts about it in diary.  However , I kept comforting myself that it won't happen and trusted him. But well trust is broken now. So I really have nothing to say - "NOTHING! NOTHING MORE".

~~~~ Recently ~~~~

I have been so busy these days, trying to do my best for temporary work even though I only have 50% hope to get hired and get S Pass/Work Permit Approval in that company. In any case, what I am doing now at this job is not wasting my time and I got to upgrade my skills and also do revision of my web development knowledge.

They only asked me to do simple web-server based application, that could easily be done with the basic things I have learnt from school. However, I want to challenge myself and I am trying to learn Jquery and Ajax and applying to my application as possible as I can. And by doing the project alone by myself, I really feel that development frameworks and editing tools are really necessary to make the process faster. In application development, we have to take care of many things - from UI design, the performance (speed, usability, accessibility, etc) and the server/storage side. With framework, many things will be handled along with some customizatons. I really need to learn to work with that as I am currently just doing every page from scartch and I have a long way to go from design to data validation and sql handle events.  :(

I really hope that I can get this job. Though salary is not high as my friends and the company is small, I think I can learn many things in this environment. But well, I can just pray hard since MOM approvals are so hard to get and difficult to apply. Fighting to myself and Good Luck to myself! :)

And on top of my top, I am so addited to these two variety shows - 2 Days 1 Night , Strong Heart and also following my favourite actor,singer and MC Lee Seung Gi News. Need more than 24 hours a day seriously!

Well, I will present you a very nice song  and end the post now. Be Happy and Smile! =)