Definition of my happiness

Last night, I was thinking about what are the happiness for me. I close my eyes and I see those moments living with my family, hanging out with my friends and the moments with him. And I think about when do I feel happy in Singapore. And  I hesitate because I have never been so happy here for most of the times. There are times I feel good and happy such as hanging out with friends and playing around with nephews. But those are rare. Indeed we can only meet like two or three times a week. Most of the times, the boring routine of going to work, staying at home and passing time by watching movies and doing housework consumes me a lot. It goes on and goes on and my whole body becomes inactive to outgoing activities and my personalities changed.

I was really outgoing person back in 2008. Since my childhood, I rarely stayed at home for the whole day. When my family bought a computer and I started learning typing, drawing pictures and games, I somehow hooked up to it. But it didn't last long and I was back to playing around with neighbours. And I think this is what makes me feel empty here - neighbours are really strangers. And the faces of people are too rigid to give a smile. My outgoing personality has also changed and I might become alien if I go back and live in Myanmar. The current me is unlike the real me. That's what struck me last night as I realized I am lacking the real happiness.. being happy most of the times and having carefree and peaceful mind like I used to be.

I know I still can't affort to go back to Myanmar to work and have a simple life. Though it was my parent's decision that I studied in RP, now it is my decision to study in NTU. It was also my greed to attend the university here. Though I can get a degree in Myanmar, I don't want to go back to the learning environment with insufficient resources. Though I have to struggle here with part time job, I rather choose here for better future. That also means that I will lose some of my happiness , but may be I can find my life motivation in University.

The happiness I want most is not easy to achieve right now. It may take more than five years or may be even more. What I can hope for best is for my parents to stay healthy and wealthy as I am gonna need their support for the coming four years. Millions bilions of gratitude towards my parents. No matter what, I swear I will go back to Myanmar and settle down there.

28.6.2013
Khin Thuzar Thin