It has been four years since I created this little blog. Most of the times, I wrote rubbish and childish about my feelings. There were not much reflections. I don't want to reflect either (cuz most of the times, I did mistakes and I will feel guilty if I reflect more). I want to forget everything, every memories and every moments I shared with those people I used to think were my other half. I feel really bad about things I am doing now, ignoring someone and being sarcastic to someone. But these are the things I need to do and should have done earlier not to keep getting hurt. It is time for me to wake up from this dream.. The dream that someone special will always make me happy and the dream that someone will listen and care me every time I feel so down. And this is the time for me to stand strong and not fall in love anymore. Be myself, independent and look for joyful things and chase after my dreams. My happinese will not be destroyed by others again, and I will not depend on others to feel happy too. 2014, I warmly welcome you with my new decisions and I am confident that I will do well.
Last few days ago, I finished tidying up that box. I don't know how many times I have reopened that (putting things and taking out again and again) and every time I can't help my tears flowing. I discovered the letters, the Avada movie tickets we went for first times, photos, cards and other cute cute little things. Love could be so sweet when we were facing it, and yet can be this bitter when it ends suddenly. A part of me wants to throw away that box, but a part of me is against for that idea. I don't know, but I may still keep those for years until the time I think I can let go.... like the time I threw away the things another person gave me.
On the other hand, I feel freed. I swear I am not going to be in relationship until I finish uni, and it 's my own promise and my self-discipline. All my life, I was always getting hurt by loving people. I don't want to love anymore.. anymore... seriously...
Anyway, Happy New Year to myself. :)
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