The most important things in your life

What's the most important thing in your life?

Family? Education? Money? Lover?

Well, whatever it is.. have you gotten that most important thing with you and besides you.. always.
Or have you already lost it - forever?

I think about it and I have three important things in my life currently.. Family, Education and Love.
Although it can't be said I lost my family, I somehow foolishly want back our old family .. the family dinner, after dinner drama time, the small little quarrels or jokes we had.. I miss them all. It's nearly impossible to have those kinds of gatherings currently..  Well may be someday.. if I could ,I will try to gather for family dinner again.

And to talk about 'Education', I am in the middle of the road to fully have it. I will wait patiently for the day when I can proudly stand on my feet, support my family and do communities work. That's my dream and I hope I won't get lazy as I am now. I hope I will get more mature and do work better and harder than now.

Love.... the love I believed is just simply love. Feeling happy when you see him, want to have fun with him together, sharing each other lives, having the same feeling, wanting to do anything for him and missing him so much if you don't hear from him for days. He is always in your morning and night thoughts. He is your morning coffee, the breeze touching your face softly and the melody you enjoy listening. I believe that it is love. But in reality, love... is so complicated. The love I received, the love I can't stop giving and the love I wanted so much to be real but turned out it was just my own illusion. It becomes so complicated and tiring that I think I might go crazy. So, I am just accepting the things that happened positively. Though it is sad & lonely, at least the burden I felt disappeared and I think it is the best possible way..

Family, Education, Love ..... yes, they are the most important things in my life. 

Songs I like

Currently the songs lingering in my mind

Subscribed YouTube Channel

These days, I rarely download music from Internet. I am mostly online and so I just listen directly from Youtube. There are a few channel I want to share.

For the best old burmese songs sharing channel, it's  https://www.youtube.com/user/nyeinchanaye81
Not only he uploads many songs, he also provide song writers and singers information in comment section. This is a very good way to know about burmese music history. People nowaddys seems not to care about those great music.. :(

Some channels are directly from Singers' YouTube channel like 2NE1, Taylorswift, etc. I don't know many though. And for fun, there is RayWilliamJohnson and Realannoyingorange .

This is an old song to share, but currently I am addicted to this song..  All time fav

Some thoughts

I am so emo today. I can't control myself thinking so much and can't focus on coding. So frustrating.
May be side affect of the drama .. @_@

Do you believe 'fate', 'eternal love' and 'reincarnation'? I really want to know what is my fate .. what kind of person I will be in future, who I am supposed to spend my life together with.. those kind of things. I believe love isn't something we can make and control. All the feelings and love to someone else is because of fate. If we aren't fated, we won't even be meeting, not to say to be close and love each other. So I think for someone to be in your mind all the times, isn't a simple kind of playful love, but a fated love ... be the consequences bad or good.

Well just a piece of thought after watching 'Rooftop Prince'. The drama isn't very realistic (time travel and mostly imaginative) but well entertaining and funny. Just watch for fun.The nickname of this drama is too funny "Joseon Power Rangers" XD

Another drama I watched last week is 'Sungkyunkwan Scandal'. This one again (though a little bit realistic) , I wish the actress is not too beautiful. One of the thing I like about korea drama is the lines of characters. In this drama, some lines about education and society are remarkable.

Watching movies and going work is the only things I do these days.. Is life becoming meaningless more and more? Sigh~~~

And the new song lingering in my ears is an OST from Rooftop Prince..

Current Update

Until now, I have written three mini web application for this company. They are just common data processing app (working with csv, xml and SQL) and a little bit of JQuery. And now excel.. I wish I could learn more than that!

For my part-time project, I am totally fed up with continuous installation errors of mysql-python , both on windows and mac osx. Read about online solutions..but no idea how to do. Am I too dumb ? :(

So.. just to give a break myself, I watch movies and shows.. well mainly korean. Currently watching "Arang The Magistrate" starring Shin Min Ah and Lee Jun Ki. It's not so addicting though (or may be I am currently possesed with Lee Seung Gi XD) .

And another awesome drama that keeps me impatient every week is "The Innocent Man/ Nice Guy/ There is no such thing as a nice guy" . This drama has all sort of feelings - hate, revenge, betrayal, true and deep love, first love , family issues, etc. Currently not at its climax, but still I am hating the main actor as he is using ppl feelings for his revenge. .. Don't play with feelings plz!!

And most of my weekdays and weekends are boring, but 2 Days 1 Night show fill the emptiness. I love their culture, food and scenry. It is a really funny and entertaining show. How I wish there would be Myanmar translation and I want my mother to watch those. She will really love it! :D

Knowing I have 14 annual leaves, my mind is always thinking to go back Myanmar. Sigh~~ .Yet I can't go back this year since I have to save more money. Well , I will make sure I go to lots of trip when I go back ^_^

No idea why I write this

Around two or three days ago, I saw a guy wearing a very nice Swatch and I was dreaming about buying it and giving present to him after I get the job. Well, now it seems like a really stupid idea.

I don't accept what others said that he is asking for break up because of depressions. I really find it as a lame excuse. Who haven't been in depression, who haven't been suffering a lot? I have suffered from depression of not getting job for five months. My sister got into big accident with police case and I had to go to hospital to take care of my nephew for around three weeks. My work pass application has been rejected for several times. What has been worser than this in my life? I don't want to make complaints and I didn't announce anything of it to my friends or relatives or anyone.

The point I want to say is that no matter how things get tired, I never mentioned about break up. I am afraid of getting hurt  and hurting people who I love. I know exactly how it feels after sudden break up and regretting it later. If I don't really care and love him, I would have said goodbye since a long time ago when my ex-boyfriend asked me to love him back. Well, I didn't accept his request and I never will. I have been hurt so so much with deep scars by him. Even though I love him to death, I can never trust him again, also will be afraid of getting betrayed and being left behind. I really hate that feeling... it just brings me to tears whenever I think about it.

So I promise myself that I won't do that to the people who I love. And I did try my best to keep relationship with him no matter how much I feel tired and frustrated with my complicated feelings. I know I always find troubles to him, starting fights , but in the end did I make those troubles too big and start big quarrels with him.. "NO, and Never". However I think the times that we being apart and our tired mind make us feel more and more far away from each other.

Anyway.. it's his decision that I have to respect and accept. I would cry, would feel angry and sorry but I don't want to hold someone who doesn't care about my feelings. Some said he might be pretending and wants to hold me back .. he might feel confused cuz of his trouble.. But 'breaking up' is the level that I can't hold on and take it easy. It involves hurting my pride and feelings; and damaging people opinions of me.

Since the day he wrote "I don't want to love anymore", I knew and expect this to happen soon, I even wrote my thoughts about it in diary.  However , I kept comforting myself that it won't happen and trusted him. But well trust is broken now. So I really have nothing to say - "NOTHING! NOTHING MORE".

~~~~ Recently ~~~~

I have been so busy these days, trying to do my best for temporary work even though I only have 50% hope to get hired and get S Pass/Work Permit Approval in that company. In any case, what I am doing now at this job is not wasting my time and I got to upgrade my skills and also do revision of my web development knowledge.

They only asked me to do simple web-server based application, that could easily be done with the basic things I have learnt from school. However, I want to challenge myself and I am trying to learn Jquery and Ajax and applying to my application as possible as I can. And by doing the project alone by myself, I really feel that development frameworks and editing tools are really necessary to make the process faster. In application development, we have to take care of many things - from UI design, the performance (speed, usability, accessibility, etc) and the server/storage side. With framework, many things will be handled along with some customizatons. I really need to learn to work with that as I am currently just doing every page from scartch and I have a long way to go from design to data validation and sql handle events.  :(

I really hope that I can get this job. Though salary is not high as my friends and the company is small, I think I can learn many things in this environment. But well, I can just pray hard since MOM approvals are so hard to get and difficult to apply. Fighting to myself and Good Luck to myself! :)

And on top of my top, I am so addited to these two variety shows - 2 Days 1 Night , Strong Heart and also following my favourite actor,singer and MC Lee Seung Gi News. Need more than 24 hours a day seriously!

Well, I will present you a very nice song  and end the post now. Be Happy and Smile! =)

ဘာရယ္မဟုတ္

စာမေရးျဖစ္တာ ၾကာသြားျပီမို႔ ေရးစရာမရွိတာ ေရးေနတာပါ။

ခုတေလာ ခံစားရတဲ့ ခံစားခ်က္ေတြ အေတြးေတြကို ေရးလိုက္ပါမယ္။

၁။ အလုပ္အကိုင္မရွိျခင္းသည္ လူေတြကို စိတ္ဓာတ္ပ်က္ျပား ဦးတည္ခ်က္ မဲ့ေစသည္။
၂။ တစ္သက္တာမွာ ေနာင္တအရဆံုး လုပ္ရပ္ႏွစ္ခု ရွိခဲ့သည္။ တစ္ခုမွာ တစ္ေယာက္ေသာသူကို နာက်င္စရာစကားမ်ားေျပာခဲ့ျခင္း ႏွင့္ တစ္ခုမွာ စကၤာပူသို႔လာရန္ ဆံုးျဖတ္ခ်က္ ခ်ျပီး ဆရာဝန္လိုင္းကို စြန္႔လႊတ္ခဲ့ျခင္းျဖစ္သည္။
၃။ ကိုးရီးယားကားေတြမွာ မင္းသမီးက သူ႔ကိုအရမ္းခ်စ္ အရမ္းဂရုစိုက္တဲ့သူကို အားနာေပမယ့္ ဘယ္လိုမွ ျပန္မခ်စ္ႏိုင္။ မင္းသမီးကို သိပ္ဂရုမစိုက္တဲ့ အဓိကမင္းသားကိုသာ တမ္းတမ္းစြဲျဖစ္ေနတဲ့ ဇာတ္ကားမ်ိဳးေတြ အရင္တုန္းက အရမ္းမုန္းခဲ့သည္။ ကိုယ္ခ်စ္ကိုမလိုခ်င္ သူခ်စ္ကိုသာရွာမယ္ဟု အျမဲေၾကြးေၾကာ္ခဲ့သည္။ But now... I think I can accept .. the fact that human minds are complicated and feelings can't be controlled by brain.
၄။ အနာဂတ္ကို စဥ္းစားသည့္အခါ အရမ္း မြန္းၾကပ္လာသည္။ မေရရာ မေသခ်ာတဲ့ ဘဝကို အလြန္စိတ္ပ်က္ မုန္းတီးမိသည္။
၅။ စကၤာပူ အစိုးရကို ေသေလာက္ေအာင္ စိတ္ပ်က္သည္။ အလြန္အမင္း မုန္းတီးမိသည္။ ေနာက္ထပ္ ဘယ္ေတာ့မွ ေျခမခ်ဖို႔လည္း ဆံုးျဖတ္မိသည္။
၇။ မားမားကို အရမ္း အရမ္း အရမ္း လြမ္းသည္။
၈။ ဘဝရဲ႔ အၾကမ္းအတမ္း အေကြ႔အေကာက္ေတြကို ရင္ဆုိင္ဖုိ႔ သတၱိရွိေအာင္ ပိုၾကိဳးစားရမည္။
၉။ ျမန္မာႏုိင္ငံ တိုးတက္ေရးလုပ္ငန္းေတြမွာ တစ္ဖက္တစ္ပန္းကေန ပါဝင္ကူညီေပးခ်င္သည္။
၁၀။ စာကို ပိုျပီး ၾကိဳးစားရမည္။

Back to Reality

  I have been trying to escape from this boring city life since my exam finished. Also in actual, I have done so by having a month-visit to my hometown Yangon and travelling to the places I have been wanting so much to go.
  I have gone to Kyait Htee Yoe (English Name- Golden Rock) and Chaung Thar Beach , and several places of Yangon. What made me more happy is to know there are friends who still care for me and our friendship haven't been changed. I miss those old times that we laughed and played together, studied together and got mad at each other for small things. Old classmates and childhood friends are people who can't be replaced. :)
  I didn't visit to any relatives as my mum doesn't like the idea. She has her own feelings and reasons though I feel sad for that. Why relatives from mum sides are so bad and everything is like fake. When I was young, I always thought my dad's relatives are not good because they didn't communicate with us much. But I think I get wrong idea. They are better than mum's side because at least they don't give trouble. Anyway I am not so close to them, and that is the best way I can avoid their troubles.
  I should post some photos from Yangon Visit. :) Here they come!

Shwe Dagon Pagoda on my first day at Yangon (24.2.2012)

At Poe Kalar Island, Chaung Thar Beach 

Every moment in Chaung Thar is very very nice. With fresh air and nice scenery, I really enjoyed it. Besides I love seafood cooked by villagers too! :)

At Kyout Tann Yay Lal Pagoda - (18.3.2012)  with my best friend's family help 

At Kyite Htee Yoe Pagoda (19.3.2012) with again with my another friend's family

At Airport (though this is not a final parting, I felt kinda sad to leave my parents again ) 

So that's all for now.. Nite!

Pride

Even though I am not a proud person, I have my own pride that I value. I have pride on my education and on my being a girl.
There are things that we shouldn't do even though we want to do badly as it will affect our pride. Like if a girl like a boy, she cannot show her feelings towards him first. Confession needs lots of courage for a girl. And my friend says don't show all of your true and innocent feelings to the person you love most as they won't value them if you show much. I think that's quite true. People will step on you if you are being too nice. :)
So, I am now trying to hide my feelings for the sake of my pride. But I am so tired of doing so too. :( 

No Special Title

Early morning on my way to school, I just snapped a small leaf for fun, but it happened that I got two couple leaves. Blame myself for always thinking far beyond and I suddenly become missing the things I should not miss.. Looking at the two leaves and thinking they might love each other so much to follow each other, I am thinking of 'you and me'. It just made me feel blue..

So meanwhile,  I am trying to comfort myself with Aung La songs.. for his songs are always similar like my feelings.. 

 All time favourite songs

A quite good and surprising day :)

I am really in good mood right now. I can't express enough of my feeling. :)

During my class time, I am quite playful today and slacking but I think my faci won't mind it because he knows I can solve today's problem well. :D (like no need to check :P )
And I had a great time talking with my particular nice team mate. :)

First, my final year project evaluation is over and the work load that is stressing me is finally turned to ashes :P . It went well I supposed. After that, we took several happy pictures and then we had a nice dinner! :)

Secondly, I saw my brother's pictures from Yangon trip and it just makes me happy to see my parents picture (couple couple picture! :D )

Thirdly, my mum called me and promised me that she would find an excuse for me to come back to Yangon.. heeehee nothing would make me happier than her promise.. for I am dying to go back to Yangon!

And last , but not least I got surprising grades in class despite me being slacking and playful in the classes.. I think facis are quite generous these dayss.. hee hee.. Here is the prove. Even though I didn't write RJ, I luckily got A ;)

Okie.. Time to sleep with happy feelingsss ^_^ Good Night!

The best ever Friday 13 For Myanmar

Today is really one of the best day of my life, and can also be said one of the happiest day for Myanmar Citizens. :)

Majority of myanmar Political Prisoners has been freed by the new Government. Though I don't know much of them, there are few persons that I really respect such as U Khin Nyunt, Ko Nay Phone Latt, Ko Min Ko Naing, Ma Su Su Nwe and some I cannot remember the name. I almost cried when I heard this news because I was too happy. 

But honestly, I still don't have much faith in the new Government as majority are comprised of military people, especially U Thein Sein. I welcome their changing behaviours and the good deeds they are doing to bring up the country image, but I am also expecting the worst. But if all these changes are really real good intentions made by them, then I wish the best for their future and Myanmar Future.

Well, though I am not a political person, I just want to say "Thank you, President U Thein Sein for your kindness to free imprisoned politicians and give us hope to see Myanmar shining  amongst all other countries" :) 

Turning Point

I am having a feeling that 2012 will be a big turning point for me.. like 2008 had been to me.
Yeah, I will be graduating soon.. though it's just a diploma. I am not feeling very happy for that as I know difficulities will be coming along after the graduation.

I am currently looking for job opportunities but I am lack of courages. Whenever I see the skills required in job description, I am starting to doubt my skills. And I realize more and more that I have no specialized skills. That's what my diploma turns me out. I know IT and I know some of business theories, but that doesn't mean I am good at both subjects. In fact, I am good at none. It just makes me feel not going for work force and stick at studying for more three years untill I specialize in at least one major very well.. :S

I got invitation from NUS to visit their school and explore about their education programmes, financial aids and scholarships. This is very very good opportunity, but will visiting NUS let me able to continue my university study there? I already have the answer of "No". It's so sad to say the truth but yeah.. I can't really afford it. Besides, I want to be free from this life of depending on my brother. My parents will not be able to support it , so I have left with not much choice. It's either I struggle hard and study or live comfortably and work. I am weighing the options. But I think I would choose University Study if there is a way out . :)

Besides school and work, I really want to be free from these hardship feelings of relationships. I am really tired of it actually. I am selfish and I know it. But I don't want to accept things that I don't want anymore. And I also don't want to dream and chase the things that cannot exist anymore. The reality is shocking. There are much more important things than love for me now. I realize more and more that I hate the feeling of being someone's belonging. I just want to be me, myself and be freeee. I hope this doesn't offend anyone..

Wish 2012 will bring me "bright future and good things" to me..

Let go and Be happy

In relationship, you have to learn how to let your lover go and when to do so. If you feel he/she is not the right person for you, or when you think he/she doesn't love you anymore or when he/she asks for a break up, why should you hold and don't let him/her go?
May be your partner is feeling confused or frustrated at that moment, or may be there is really no bond between you two anymore. But sticking to that relationship that doesn't make you happy is not a better choice than having a break up relationship.

Relationships are good, but when it turns cold, it really makes people feel a heavy burden.
I am seeing all those things all the times. And I think love without any attachments or strings is really better than love with a relationship. We won't need to care about other's family, friends or many many social factors. You may feel tired in half way cuz of those things, but if you and your partner love each other so much, there's nothing to care about.

But yeah.. when you feel like breaking up.. or she/he feel like breaking up and not enjoying each other's accompany any more..........................?.. Just let it go..

Just let the person go because if you do so, you will not be hurt anymore, and the person will also feel happy and be freed. May be for a few months, you may suffer, but in the end it's the best way for both of you. Who knows? After the break up, your partner may come back to you if he/she couldn't forget you. Or may be you will find your Mr.Right / Mrs. Right after this..
 
               Don't be afraid of saying Goodbye because fate will not let you have chance to say "Goodbye" to a person if you're destined to be with him/her.

BRAIN DEADLOCK!

It's so true that it's very difficult to wash the brain.
I don't know why it's really hard to forget things.
It's not like I don't want to, I tried.. and I tried.
But in the end, I still end up remembering.

Those moments that I realize some of my passwords are named for unforgettable day of my life..... Moments that I am entering someone's birth date when I supposed to enter mine or  moments that I entered someone's old phone number while I am trying to call the phone shop near my house.... I feel like I am going crazy..
I really hate those moments........................

Old habits never changes..
Everything about someone is just popping up my mind anytime anywhere without any reasons. How can I stop it?
I just feel tired and sick of myself... Such a stupid and stubborn brain...
YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON!! MY BRAIN!!

Always Outsider

A relationship with 3 persons is never good.. whether it is friendship or love affair or team.
Because one person will always be closer with another person out of two, and the other person will always be alone. That two people can go together and do things together without other person and they won't think of that person first when they have things to share.
That's how triangle relationship are suck.
And I am totally sick of it.
I do nothing wrong, I treat all persons well, but sadly what I give is not equal to what I receive back..
So, I will stop giving , I will stop treating well, and I will just be myself and be selfish so that I won't get hurt anymore.

သူမင္းကိုဘယ္ေတာ့မွ

Favourite Poem 
မင္း သူ႔ကိုလိုက္ရွာရင္
မင္း သူ႔ကိုဘယ္ေတာ့မွ ေတြ႔မွာမဟုတ္ဘူး
ဒါေပမယ့္
မင္း သူ႔ကို လိုက္မရွာရင္လည္း
သူ မင္းကို ဘယ္ေတာ့မွ ျမင္ေအာင္ျပမွာမဟုတ္ဘူး။
(ဂ်ဴး၏ သူမင္းကို ဘယ္ေတာ့မွ)

English Version (Forgive me if my translation is not good)
If you are looking for him,
You will never find him.
However....
If you are not looking for him,
He will never show himself in front of you..
(From Juu - "He will never.." )

This is really really true to me right now. I never know that it's really hard to look for a person who runs away and hides from you. Yes, I think it's ok for me to remember this time and talk to one person and ask some questions that will help me to make decision.
I really need to talk to a person...

Happy Myanmar New Year

It's been a very very long time that I didn't post anything on my blog. (Hmm.. I think I am saying that in every post.. :S)

Myanmar Thingyan festival has been finished, and now It's Myanmar New Year Day =) I think I should enjoy today.. though I can't go to Pagoda just like I did in my past years at Yangon. awww.. How I miss Yangon.. T_T

I am browsing through my luggage and I found the letters and presents from my friends, family and my special person. Reading those letters again makes me smile and give much encouragement. It let me think like this.. "Oh! I have lots of friends who like me  for just the way I am.  I have my family who cares me, never have grudges no matter what I did. And I have one special person, the only guy I care in the world.  So why must I feel so sad and miserable because of the person who doesn't even care about my birthday, who doesn't even hold memories of me, and who has never been really serious about the love I have for him.  I have just try not to think about those, value my friendship with my friends, value my family and value my special person and value the time being together. " .. It really makes me feel happy. I think I should be back to normal, try not to be so emo very often and yes _ try harder starting from today, Myanmar New Year.

Final Year Project, Third Year  Hard Core Modules (Student killer modules), Thinkquest Competition  ... I am getting ready to face you all and break you all down ! 

And yes.. I wish all of you Happy Myanmar New Year.. :) I don't want to post in Facebook as I think not many people care about those kind of post and it seems cheap to wish ppl who I don't even know. (Can it be called as "naughty"?)

Random Day Post

I don't know why. But I see couples loving each other in the morning and evening.. and then fighting over FB at night.. Is there something wrong?

Well, actually, I did not expect anything for Valentine (really). But the only thing I want is to eat chocolate from ppl who loves me. Friends also can give me. :P

Anyway, my sis gave me.. so I don't have much to complain about.

But the thing that is making me frustrated is the conversation we have (as usual).

I thought and decided not to forgive and forget about it. But I couldn't.
I thought I have hated. But I didn't, and I couldn't.
I thought I could control myself. But I couldn't.

I am not the one who give priority to my feelings. I use my brain and my head for my actions. For sure, I can't turn back. I know it by heart, know it from bottom, up .. all the times. But what the hell is wrong with me? Second thought? No wayyyy.

But I wish I could go back Myanmar this break if I didn't get IEP.
I wish my mum would allow me.
I wish someone wouldn't mind it.
I wish my father wouldn't mind it.
I wish, I wish..... I always wish the things that is difficult to become true.